Update

A new semester, new classes to teach. I started teaching low level writing last August- which is basically grammar. Here is a selection of the best writing. I selected them on the basis of whether they made me laugh so hard that I snorted.



"after he ate homework he went to school".

"after he fanish work he want to bad"

"I spent a happy 3 weeks in Malaysia, first I went to Kuala Lumpur, then I went to Cameroon. I love Malaysia"


"the good fortune that I got a ticket for the deafening silence of the rise in 100 tickets sold per day only"

"My English name is Rorschach but you can call me B."

"almost all of our food are delicious and testy."

"People most of the palace in Beijing are pully"

"most of the people in my city eat rich, they can't live without rich, rich is the best food in my city".

"while it's good for woman to be chief, they are also useless when pregnanncy"

"he wanted to be in the movies, so he studied excess"

For the fun of it...

This is an excerpt from my statement of purpose for the study abroad program... it was written in 04 and it seems quite hilarious now...

Moreover, what interests me most is not only the European point of view, but also the American point of view. For Europeans mixed ethnicity always seems to be a bit exotic or even strange. I expect to collect many impressions of diverse lifestyle from this and hope I can later on coalesce them to a more complete world picture.

Of course I want to experience the people in the US - in a society like the German where most of the popular culture like music or fashion comes from the USA I find it important to know where it actually arises from. I am also looking forward to socializing and making new friends who will accompany me into the time after studying. If it is possible, I will take the opportunity and experience some of the unique atmosphere and many-sided landscape of America and do some travelling.

For my studies I expect to not only enhance my language abilities both in English and in Spanish, but to obtain a broader understanding of American literature and culture through taking American Studies courses against the historical and cultural background that only an American university can mirror. My goal is to expand my literary studies, to work on my internationality as well as gaining a greater openess for the world through living in the American culture.

This is brilliant!

A student posted this gem as a response to my facebook status lamenting identity theft (somene stole my identity and went shopping... 500 Euros just disappeared from my account)

To sum up, we may savely draw the conclusion that America thief should earn a lot of money. They have a pertty sweet salay evey mouth...........................At last I finish this eassy.

On ther other hand.,Don't be sad.,My teacher.I have three reason to support why. First of all, you are a bewitching, enchating and meserizing girl that has infuenced every guys. You like dazzling diamonds in order to be thieves target.

secound, you may think that the money u loss is to be my the birthday gift that u will send me. Now I am very happy to recive ur gift. It is really did give me a big surprise. I promise that i will return u a bigger gift more than the gift u give me. But for the premise, I succeed in the future. therefore, This situation is like buying funded debt. U opposed to expect having a big investment return.

Loading..........To be continue.

Good students, good times!

This session seems to be exceptionally good as far as students and their attitude/motivation/abilities are concerned (not all of them of course, but the majority...). One thing that is most obvious is that students seem to be having fun with language! They're playing with language, they're taking risks and they sometimes have hilarious results. Nevertheless, playing with language is so important for language learning, especially for students from a teacher-centered background (China, Japan, etc).

Here are some gems:

Student: "Thank you, sir"!
Me: "Uhm, did you just call me sir"?
Student: "Yes, sir!"
me: "Why are you calling me sir"?
Student: "Because, teacher, you are like man! Very powerful!"



me: "Hey studentxy, how old are you?"
StudentXY: " 20, teacher! How old are you?"
me: "28!"
StudentXY: " Oh, noooo!!!! You look younger! Teacher, I give you discount, you know 21!"

My friend!

Students were asked to write a short essay about hidden talents and whether they know if someone has a hidden talent... here's a gem:

"my friend is very ordinary, one day she sings and her voice is good so I almost admire her"

What's in a name?

1st day of teaching...
ahhh, the first day of teaching! Turns out, both of my IEP (intensive English program) classes during the day are heavily populated by Chinese students, which can be lots of fun and cause for misunderstanding. I understand that it might be a smart thing to choose an "English" name instead of using your Chinese name when considering your teacher (aka me...) speaks absolutely zero/zip/nada Chinese and might end up turning your lovely name accidentally into a cuss word. It might be an even better idea, on the other hand, to do some research and choose your name wisely. I understand that some Chinese names have a specific meaning in their language and that some people would like to keep that name (i.e. translate the meaning literally), but... well...maybe do some research on the meaning and/or pronunciation of the name that might stick with you for the next couple of years! Just look at the Republicans and the "Teabagger" debacle! Try to be on the safe side!

This is a sample conversation I had today:
Me:" so what's your name?"
Student:" Decoy!"
Me:" uhm... decoy?"
Student:" yes!"
Me:" uhm, how do you spell it?"
Student:" D E C O".
Me:"uh... okay. welcome....".

Other great names I've encountered so far include Sky, Top, and Flex (he changed it to Felix right after I explained to him what it means). Fellow teachers reported on Miller (as a first name), McMurdo, Cactus, Candy, and... *drumroll* my favorite: TRANNY!

inappropriateness....

Conversation with a student yesterday...

Me: "Alright, guys! Class is over! Time to go!"
Student: "Class is over already?"
Me: "Yeah, but you can stay if you want!"
Student: "Only if you stay!"
Me: "Nah, I have to eat. I'm hungry!"
Student: "You need a diet!"
-----------------------------------------

Today, same student...

Me: "Hey! You owe me an apology for yesterday!"
Stdeunt: "Yes, teacher! Sorry! You have nice body, very nice body!"